I'd Give Up Forever
by Joyyce
Summary: Edward is sitting in his room, listening to some music. As Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls starts, his thoughts drift along with the lyrics. Don't own anything, as usual.


_[AN]  
I've always loved the song __**Iris**__ by the __**Goo goo dolls**__, and I couldn't help but think it suited Twilight in more than one way. So, I made a story which includes the song and lyrics. If you don't know the song, look it up on youtube or something, it's great!  
_

_Let's just say the story takes place before New Moon.  
[/AN]_

It was a sunny day, so the Cullens could not go to school or work. Edward was sitting on the couch in his room, listening to one of his CDs. As soon as **Iris** came up, his thoughts drifted.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you,  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow.  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,  
And I don't want to go home right now._

He couldn't help but see the link to his relationship with Bella. He'd gladly give up forever for a chance to be human with her, to be able to touch her the way he wanted, the way **she** wanted. He knew she understood why he had difficulties being close to her, but he knew she could never comprehend just how happy she made him. It was as if she was his own personal piece of heaven, a place he would never get to go.

That knowledge pained him, knowing that his Bella would get to go there. But what pained him more, was being without his Bella, even for the short period of time he had to leave her house to change, or during classes they didn't have together, or the time he had to spend hunting. Those were moments he felt empty inside, even though Bella was still on his mind every single second.

_And all I can taste is this moment,  
And all I can breathe is your life,  
And sooner or later it's over,  
I just don't want to miss you tonight._

He knew there'd come a time where her life would end if he kept to his beliefs, if he kept refusing to change her – or let her be changed by someone else -, but he just couldn't risk her losing her soul. Even if it meant they couldn't be together in whatever afterlife there might be – after all, he was a vampire, if there were an afterlife, he would not get to go to heaven, she however would belong nowhere else -, he couldn't bring himself to let her be changed.

He knew he would not live his despicable life longer than necessary to get to Volterra, but as long as Bella was alive, she would be the only thing he ever thought about, she would be in his every thought, in his every happy memory. He would not let her be in pain if he could find any way to prevent it.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am._

The world could never know creatures such as himself actually existed, let alone know one such as him fell in love with a human. A human so soft, so fragile, one flick of the wrist could end her life. He had wanted her to realize just how dangerous he was, but she, being herself, never seemed to fully understand the danger.

He had – of course – heard the saying that people are blinded by love, but he had always thought it was ridiculous beyond words. Until he met Bella, that is, who had literally told him it didn't matter what he was, even if he wasn't human.

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,  
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.  
When everything feels like the movies,  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive._

At some points, they seemed to have a fairy tale relationship, but there would always be an event that brought them back to reality. He knew Bella saw him as some kind of prince charming, as some kind of Mr. Darcy, but he knew he was anything but that. He had killed people. He had tasted their blood, more than once.

But he was never happy that way, so he turned back to the life Carlisle wanted for him. The life which involved leaving humans to live, however sad their lives may be. And once he met Bella, he understood that humans really did deserve to live, however short and insignificant their lives may be. And he felt like he was taking Bella's life away from her, even though he was intent on leaving her human. He felt sad thinking about this, and if he could have cried, he would have.

He knew she didn't want to be left human, she wanted to be a monster just like him. She wanted to be with him forever. She was willing to give everything up for him. But he didn't think she understood just what she would be giving up. She acted like she did, but he knew better. He wanted something better for her.

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am._

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am._

_And I don't want the world to see me,  
Cause I dont think that they'd understand.  
When everything's made to be broken,  
I just want you to know who I am.  
I just want you to know who I am.  
I just want you to know who I am.  
__I just want you to know who I am._

_[AN]  
So… what do you think? I'd never written a 'story' revolving about lyrics before. I know the concept is a bit… outdated by know – at least I think so – I think I want to write some more like this. It's a nice way to get rid of writer's block too, it seems.  
[/AN]_


End file.
